Thoughts about life, those thoughts that kept me up all night. I got lost thinking about life, spent the best part of my time solving life's equations, gave time to meditation and supplication in the bid to find solutions. But instead of answers I got even more questions, instead of getting closer I drifted far more away than I have ever been....Read more
Lost and confused with my sixth sense telling me nothing new, life made me a fool almost tore me apart and drained the little energy that I have left to actually live. It got me wondering why on earth will anyone want or chose to hurt another, because it's simply a choice to hurt people, love, care or hate them. As I dived further into my deepest thoughts, I explored the world with my finest sense of reasoning, without sentiments, without emotions, no biased mindset neither did I apply my everyday attitude of life to this. I stayed afloat of the worries at hand, set aside my yearnings and tried to figure out what was behind the deeds of ones character and attitude towards another. What propelled them, what's the motivation, what drives our individual thoughts and actions? Why do friends become foes, why do strangers chose to hurt people they know nothing about, what gets into a family member and totally turns him or her around to become an enemy? What generates hate, what motivates love, who is responsible for the blood shed, who kills for the fun of it? Why have we lost our true sense belonging, when shall we start holding others up and not being happy when we see them falling? First answer Money, then comes hate, greed, revenge, strife, fear, failure, shame, addiction, lack of self esteem, fame, wickedness, bitterness, unforgiving spirit, competition, the battle for supremacy and dominance, jealousy cant be left out neither can anger be ignored. Plus many more which I can't remember at the moment, as I looked into the eyes of the ones I once knew, oh how I know them no more. The more I called out to them to return home, the further they ran but not without a reason, because most have something belonging to others. They would rather run than return it, they would rather live in exile than return home to the ones they hurt. Even when I chose the path of reasoning and dialogue that proved abortive, I tried anger, curse words and tit for tat formula but that too made matters worst. What other choice do I have than to love or to hate, to war or to seek peace, to build or to destroy. Can darkness chase out darkness or can hate heal hate? No! So I came to the conclusion that nothing on earth was actually worth dying for if not for the good in life and bringing God into our lives, a laughable thing like many called it, maybe I am living in the past or is it that my life is awkward or even insane as many has suggested in the past? But despite all these I chose not to live for personal gains, or blindly chasing fame, so therefore to stay ahead in the game and to be everything that I was meant to be. God, came into the picture and as the only one that truly holds the future, the only one known never to fail, faithful to the end, I cast my dice. This path though tough, rough and narrow, plus I am one full of flaws on every side but even then He still assures me that His grace is sufficient. With this in mind, plus his undying love and promises, there's no better way to go than follow HIM to the end. I have constantly reminded myself of one fact, that nothing lasts forever and that nothing will ever take the place of God, never! So since nothing lasts forever what is it that I should focus my mind, thoughts and efforts on, what should I give my energy and time to? Since time ain't on our side and we also strangers to this world or as some may put it just passing by (passerby). What can I do to elevate my mind to the greater things that lies ahead, what can I do to elevate my standard of living and build up that self esteem that doesn't fade away with time nor wear off when one has little or nothing left. I try not to live for material things but I chose to be wise and focus on the spiritual, thereby creating the self consciousness and awareness that man shouldn't live by bread alone. Home is home they say but most have forgotten the picture of the true home as the only thing they see is the picture of the dollar bill, the picture of a better life soaked in bitterness regardless of where it leads them or how it will leave them ( battered or bruised ). Awake! Awake! A thing I constantly tell myself, eyes open with your brain at work, remember that many have gone and many more are yet to follow suit. Will you stand aside and watch them waste away or even rush towards doom, will you be one of such people who scream brother, brother but do nothing to aid, instruct or even alert another when destruction calls? God forbid! So I chose this path of the man standing by the road side calling out to any willing to listen, showing the path to life to any willing to adhere. A life that brought me more troubles than I bargained for and even endangered my life at times, and complicated my trying times. A life that made me a laughing stock and a thing of scorn or mockery ( depending on how you chose to present it ). I myself lost in my own world of confusions and self destruction, engaged in conflicts and wars with no other but myself, but still yet, like a journey to a destination unknown I kept searching for the path to life and seeking truth even when I can hardly recognize it. Everything good has being diluted or polluted, everything bad exaggerated, and the ugly things refurbished. We not knowing but thinking that we know, often get lost in our little world marred with confusions, distractions and self exaltation. Man, can never make it alone without the aid of his creator, mankind if not guided, might end up destroying itself. Wise in our own eyes we despise the words of the Father, ignore the call to acknowledge the son and in no way make space for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Now most people are like zombies, they roam the earth surface living to die and some others dying without living their dreams. What a wasted life, what a wasted time, the grave yard becomes home of unfulfilled dreams, those that do try to dream, dream without believing in the possibilities of their dreams. Yet more dreams are on death roll, but the worst of it all, most dare not dream. They just wish or think, for them it's either that or this, here or there, a dip or a twist.